What makes a best seller?

The other day my husband (as is his usual) was telling someone about the book and I was staring off into space trying not to be noticed. Yes, you read that right. I am still incredibly embarrassed about this whole thing. If I had to explain this story to you face to face I would be beet red, which is what I was trying to avoid at this time, and anytime Dan starts ‘spreading the word’ (which I LOVE him for.)

Well, the guy Dan is talking to wants to see the book, so they pull up amazon and look, and the guy gets excited.

“Wow, you’re a best seller,” he says, and as much as I am feigning deafness I hear him. How could you not?

“No, I’m not.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Because I am not. To be a best seller you have to be in the top ten overall on Amazon, and all those other super cool news paper lists that if my name ever appeared on I would pass out. I swear, I’ve only passed out once before but that would make it twice.

“Yes,” He laughs and my anger bristles, I don’t really want to talk about this in the first place. “It says so right here.”

Now my heart is palpitating so fast I might pass out anyway. I head over to the computer, wishing I hadn’t said anything, wishing we could go back to planning the Disneyland trip as we had been five minutes before.

I look at the computer and see what I have seen consistently for weeks.

“625.” I laugh and move away – the guy is delusional.

“And 8, 24,28” I hear him say as I try to make my escape, I should have run – I can even hear Dan prompting him to stop it.

“Not a best seller.” Maybe if I go check on the kids this conversation can end, someone is about to scream at any moment, I can feel it.

“Well, not overall… but in these categories… yes.”

I want to say no… make that silly Jackie Chan face at him and stomp away. But I don’t, I just stare, because the gears in my head are slowly moving through the rust after my late night writing session from the night before.

Is he right?

No, he can’t be. I would be getting so much more hype if it was – right? right?

So my question is this? What makes a best seller? What qualifies you to the point that you plaster it to things… which I would probably never do – although it would be fun to introduce myself to people I’ve never met as a best seller – at least until I take it back as a joke – because that’s how I roll. Even though Inside I would be laughing, while my toes blushed in a futile attempt to keep it off my face.

Yeah… I need to come to terms with this don’t I?